It is Dec 19 and I am starting my annual review of the year 2018. It is the Christmas season. My little studio apartment is decorated with greens and a live 6 foot tree. Decorations cover every surface including the walls where the cards hang, all treasures accumulated over the many years of my life. I am completely saturated into the spirit of Christmas, the music, stories, movies, and sights. It is hard to believe that in this time of my life I have everything, good health, time to do anything I want, no schedules, freedom, enough money to live on and a few extra dollars to spent on something. I am so grateful and blessed and amazed at what life has given me. I don’t know why I have been so lucky, All my life I have lived in beautiful places and been surrounded by loving people as I am here in Eugene, living in Ya Po Ah.
Even though this is a big city, I have nature all around me. The city has exposed me to the personalities of many different people. People that have gone through tough times, learned or not from their experiences, so many different backgrounds. I like to hear about their lives. I truly love these people and like being with them, I don’t say much, I am an observer, but I am learning from them. I know they are beautiful people, beautiful humans that have been through a lot. We are all damaged in one way or another. Some cope by taking drugs, alcohol, some live in denial, withdrawal, moving blindly in the dark. We live by our beliefs and beliefs can be changed. My glass is half full, I was born with that temperament, a positive attitude.
Jesus was a person of compassion and love, a sign to us that we are becoming, moving toward his humanness. Now the whole world is in the soup of confusion, upheaval and chaos. Terrible deeds are being exposed, The light is starting to shine in dark corners, hidden over the centuries, secrets revealed. The light is growing. I know in my heart that times are changing and wars will end. When the battles inside us calm down, slowly the violence in the world will dissipate.
Christmas was not celebrated as it is in our time with Christmas trees and strings of lights wrapped around trees and strung on the edges of roofs, in New England candles in the windows. I love this season because we can see light in the darkness and this is the time of the solstice when the longest dark days change to days of more light. Christmas is also a time of magic and miracles, stories of spirits, and angels, flying reindeer and little elves. We live in a three dimensional world. I believe there are other dimensions we get glimpses of. I believe the world we see, is a small part of the vastness of infinity that we cannot see but is part of the whole that governs our world of physical matter, that is manifest from energy, from conscious, from god source. I believe in angels and guides. Christmas is a time to celebrate, to believe in dreams, to be together in loving relationship.The symbols of dark and light , good and evil ,etc, will continue to give mankind challenges until we rise above the quagmire and realize peace only comes when the vibration is centered on love.
Some of my most pleasant memories are of walking the dog on cold , dark winter nights, snow on the ground, and above, stars in the heaven, walking up the long driveway, seeing the candles and the Christmas tree lights through the window, the light falling on the snow, softly fading into the darkness. Then coming into the house and sitting by the wood stove, watching the flames and feeling the heat radiate out into the room. Inside the room, in the quiet, by myself sitting in comfort and gazing at the Christmas tree, the bright colored lights reflecting on the window glass. Yes we learn with duality, dark and light, heat and cold.
Do people think of staying warm when all they do is push a button on the wall?
Philosophizing is interesting to explore ideas but solving problems requires mental and physical action, the best way to learn, personal experience. So duality lets us see two sides and we have free choice
The life time of living is stored in me somewhere.Those events are recalled according to how good the memory is. It is strange how our recollections differ. I may be relating something that my sons remember a different way. So the same events produce a variety of outcomes. The older I become the more appreciative of life I am. In the hectic times of work and raising families, one is consumed with day to day living. Now I have time to reflect. There is the expression, You’re wasting time. There is not enough time, Time is up.etc. The Micmac Indians don’t have a word for time. I have heard , everything happens at the same time. So what is this thing between birth and old age? It certainly is a time of learning. Here is the ending of a poem by Kim Rosen
My Nana Like the Trees
My Nana chants in the autumn light
Numbers pumped from a distant past
Fall from her breath, like leaves
From the tree of a branching soul
that reaches wider, higher still
Even as the stuff of time
Is strewn below or hangs
Translucent from the bone
With no wish but to journey down
On gravity’s verging tide
And something brilliant
Barely known, rises through the naked trees—
One of my favorite songs is Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. It is not a Christmas song but I like to listen to it this time of year. The word Hallelujah is so upliftings. Cohen describes it in a triumphant way that overcomes or accepts actions that led to wrong outcomes.
There is a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn’t matter which you heard
The holy or the broken hallelujah
I did my best, It wasn’t much
And even though
It all went wrong
I’ll stand before the lord of song
With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah
The words are great but the sounds of the Chorus hallelujah reaches the heart. There are so many beautiful Christmas songs Music is created by man, along with the other inspiring arts. Yes Hallelujah, praise to the highest good of mankind.
A friend just died here at Ya Po Ah, a long life of 91 years. She was a poet and a good writer. She put out volumes of material. Her library was full of books on philosophy, history, and poetry. She was a feisty women, very bright, had traveled many places, been through a lot, lost two children and died with no living relatives. She had something to express and enjoyed researching and writing. Now we go to her apartment , take what we want and bring it back to our apartments. What is to become of all her written word, in boxes and drawers? Will they be thrown out, never to be heard or read? I took a book of poems by Emily Dickinson, and read on the inside cover that her poems were never published during her lifetime. After she died her sister discovered the pomes all loosely bound in bundles. I raise my voice to Jean, recently departed, Hallelujah.
I am back in Ya Po Ah after spending Christmas in Ashland OR where Chris’s wife’s daughter, mother, one brother and sister live. Courtney, Diane ’s daughter has two sons, 4 and 6. They are bright and very energetic. I have forgotten how my own children acted when they were young so I am interested to watch how these two brothers act with each other and their ways of getting attention when things aren’t going their way. They are extremely agile and quick to learn, and need a lot of attention.They were so excited about Santa coming that after being put to bed Christmas Eve, they kept waking up every few hours wanting to get up to see if Santa had come yet. All the Adults were tired when they got up in the morning and had to take naps on Christmas Day. Christmas morning stockings were emptied, we each got one, and the presents opened, books, games, and lego kits of Star Wars and I believe Harry Potters castle school. The 4 year old received a real violin, and the 6 year old an electric piano and they will start lessons in January. Christmas morning was hectic, boxes and torn paper and everything scattered , dogs running, children chasing, and noisy . This scene I observed from my comfortable place on the couch. I appreciate being there to celebrate Christmas with everyone and enjoying their company, and good food. I am also glad to get back to the quiet of my studio apartment. Friday a few of us at Ya Po Ah are getting together for a Christmas dinner, and on New Years Eve there is a potluck PJ party with games and cards.
There are many activities for the residents here to participate in. I go on most of the bus trips. This month there have been three coral groups come to Ya Po Ah. There was a Christmas dinner and a tree decorating party. One bus trip to see the Christmas lights of decorated homes and a bus trip to Albany to see the carousel. We managed to get on the magnificent animals for a ride and we had a tour of the workshop where the animals and birds are carved. After we visited the historic museum, rode around to see some of the victorian homes and after a lunch in a German cafe we were driven back to Ya Po Ah. All the trips to different places are interesting. Our bus driver loves to travel and hike and he gives us a lot of information on the places we visit. I go to the jazz jam once a month and the free dress rehearsal night at the theater. I still go to Tai Chi three times a week, and the philosophy group once a week. I am on the entertainment committee so I help set up for those events. I walk, ride my bike to the grocery store, go to the Saturday farmers market, swim in the river and get together with friends here at Ya Po Ah, There are about 30 garden plots 4 by 12 feet and I have one of those. There have been deer eating in the gardens so we have to put nets around the vegetables.
I wish my two sons were not 3000 miles apart. Chris is so busy running the farm that I don’t have much time with him even though he lives 10 minutes from Ya Po Ah. Douglas my oldest son has completely remodeled the house in Maine. He has started working on pottery again. I am the luckiest Mom in the world to have these two talented caring sons.
I spent most of August in Maine with Doug and Christina. It was a busy time seeing old friends, taking in as much art as I could, painting a few watercolors, and swimming in the cove. Christina’s daughter Lucy, graduated from the University of Oregon and she drove across the country with Mira, my old dog. She had a summer job with Outward Bound in Maine. Remember Mira went with Doug and me when Doug drove me and my paintings across the country to Eugene . Now Mira is in her old home. The last weekend before going back to OR was spent on Cape Ann MA with my friend Alice and her friend, Virginia. I lived in Rockport as a child and so did Alice. We have fond memories of the area. Cape Ann is an artist colony and is still the residence of many artists. We had such a good time we plan to go again next summer.
As I have said before, all my paintings, sketch books records etc were put in storage. This last fall a friend here at Ya Po Ah who has a car took me to the storage place and I brought about 20 paintings back to my apartment and hung them in the hall outside my place. I got permission from other residents on my floor to hang in their hall space. Other people coming to my floor saw my paintings and asked if they could have some for their floors. I kept taking trips to the storage space and getting more boxes of paintings and now there are 130 of my paintings on the 18 floors of Ya Po Ah including the library. Lucy works for Reality Kitchen, a local non profit bakery helping students with developmental disabilities. She asked if I would like to hang my paintings on their restaurant walls. Now I have 22 paintings there until someone else wants the space. I still have plenty of paintings in storage. I was telling Diane’s mother in Ashland about my paintings hanging in Ya Po Ah . She lives in a retirement community in Ashland and said she could hang some of my paintings on their hall walls. So the next time Diane goes to visit her mom she can take some of my paintings to give to her. It would be nice not to have to pay storage fees. There still is a lot of stuff there. It is more then half empty except we bring back the boxes the paintings were stored in. I have made some pretty good paintings . Some I will not give up. Who else will appreciate my paintings the way I do? I know the time and effort that went into creating them. I know the pleasure and frustration it took. I did not seek to be recognized or famous, those that do seek recognition may be better or not, as painters.There are many artists whose work I admire and appreciate who I think are great artists. I am proud of what I accomplished, and I don’t plan to stop painting.
I love the following quote
"Art is simply a result of expression during right feeling. It's a result of a grip on the fundamentals of nature, the spirit of life, the constructive force, the secret of growth, a real understanding of the relative importance of thing, order, balance. Any material will do. After all, the object is not to make art, but to be in the wonderful state which makes art inevitable." ………Robert Henri (artist and great teacher)
I could have died with congestive heart failure back in 2015, but I had more to learn. My time was not up.Those circumstances led to my move to Eugene and my move into Ya Po Ah. I am thankful for this time to experience the lives of others. There is a lot to learn from older people. We influence and are influenced by all those we come in contact with. Praise to those that help us with our lessons, praise to friendship Hallelujah, Peace on Earth and love to all.
You will have a greater appreciation of things you have knowledge of, and less or no appreciation of things you do not understand, or know nothing about.
An empty vessel is fertile ground for creative ideas to fill. Audrey
Each one of us is made up of ten thousand different and successive states, a scrap-heap of units, a mob of individuals. Plutarch 45-125 Greece
Man does not know himself and does not know how to use the energies hidden in him, nor does he know that he carries the stars hidden in himself and that he is the microcosm, and thus carries within him the whole firmament with all its influence. Paracelcus 1493-1541
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