Christmas letter 2015

                                                     Chrismas 2015

The Holidays are here. Commercialism has extended  the celebration from a week as I enjoyed it when I was a child to a month. Now it starts the day after Thanksgiving with the big shopping day Black Friday. It is not about shopping for me. I do like the extended time and I put up the tree the second week in December. When you get to my age time goes so fast I need the extend time. It will go by like a week. I will decorate the tree and the whole house will smell of balsam. The tree is Christmas. The lights in the darkness make the magic. It brings back the childhood feelings of wonder, and imagination, of anticipation of celebration. Because it comes at the darkest time of year when all the activities of summer and fall harvests are over and one slows down and retreats to the cocoon of a warm house to reflect and rest. The light of Christ is in us. The symbol of love.The birth is the potential, new and unknown. I look forward to this one short time of year when we come together to share our love for one another and to be compassionate to those in need. The waiting is good. It is so special.

Another thing that becomes important, or outstanding is the fact that time for me, is running out, and because of this fact, my awareness is to appreciate each and every day. Slowing down brings attention to every action, what the body could do when young, without giving it a though, now is thoughtfully done. My attention is focused to the people I am with and my surroundings. My independence gives way to asking for help. It means I must compromise and prioritize. Life is fulfilling now as is always has been. Change is constant, go with it. I do live in the moment, but I am connected to the past where I see the pattern that was and is being created. It is a beautiful tapestry of many colors that includes my experiences and all I am connected to. Being physical for me has been a joyful experience. I call it my vacation life, not that there weren’t a few road blocks, but I have worked with my gifts, which we are all given, and learned from them. I see the best in everyone, after all we are a piece of god, the light of Christ is in us, but being human, with free will, there is also the dark side. With all that is going on in the world, I can say I was brought up in a loving family, and luckily in a peaceful place. I am certainly thankful for that. 

Everything is global now, the good, the bad, and the ugly. The news loves the drama, Fear is promoted, terrorism is rampant, climate change is happening. There is positive action being taken  daily, everywhere, demonstrations,  acts of kindness, compassion, sharing, grass root movements. Right now at the climate summit thousands have assembled on the Paris streets from all over the globe to act in non violence  protesting against fossil fuels and advocating  green energy. People all over the world are standing up and taking back their power. These actions are not in the news.The world is polarized. Those that live in fear, are living in darkness, If someone has a gun and it is not for hunting then that someone is living in fear, they believe something in the future can happen that is dangerous. By having that belief they promote that action. It is not the guns. It is people that have become fearful. Of coarse the  arms manufacturers are raking in the money. All of this sounds pessimistic. I am not pessimistic. I have faith that from this chaos will come understanding and peace, God is not out there or up there,  We are a part of god, That energy is in us. Humanity is waking up. The shift is happening on the planet and in the cosmos. In our communities and circles of friends and families, we promote peace by living in a peaceful state. When understanding replaces ignorance then intolerance will disappear. Acts of kindness, and sharing joyful experiences is all that is needed. 

I am not a Facebook person but I get emails from stuff on face book like one I just watched called presenting the liquid cat. It will make you smile. It is amazing what cats try and succeed getting into. My own cat Tippy  now seven, same age as Mira my dog, just jumped on to my lap as I type this letter on the computer.  Animals especially cats can be very entertaining. My cat Boo that I got as a little kitten Halloween 2014 was one of my favorite cats. He was killed by a wild animal early in the summer. He had no outside experience and I couldn’t get him in at night. I do miss him. One of the ways joy is given is by what is called Flash Mob. Watch them on you tube. Watch (Ode to Joy Flash Mob started by one little girl.) It is only five minutes long, very up lifting. I also watched (10000 singing Beethoven - Ode to Joy.), good one for the holidays. Watching some of these things will restore your faith in humanity. For me music is the most emotional art form, created by man,and woman, the ones open to the light of Christ in them, the god spirit spilling out into the universe. 

To review the year, everything was going fine in my life, at least I thought so. There were signs that I didn’t pay attention to. The snow came early, and then the cold and more snow, and it seemed like it was snowing  every few days. I would shovel and then I would have to rest, because I was exhausted. My leg became swollen and hurt to walk on so I went to the hospital in Damariscotta to get it checked out.  It was my heart. They sent me home but it got worse. Doug was so concerned he drove from Amesbury and showed up at eight in the morning to take me to the hospital. I had congestive heart failure, irregular, very fast pulse. I didn’t leave the hospital. The Doctors couldn’t get my heart to stop racing.  After a few days I was taken to Portland by ambulance.  That is where the heart specialists are. I had no idea I was close to death. I actually did die and had to be shocked. They put a pace maker in me and the pace maker regulates the heart beat. My heart was only working twenty five percent. When I got home Doug had to take care of me for a month because I was so weak.  All this happened the end of February and part of March. I was home for my seventy Ninth birthday. You never know what life is going to throw at you. I was never afraid during any of this. I am not afraid of death, but I knew I wanted to live. There is too much excitement going on in the world and I don’t want to miss it, I have loving family and friends I want to be with. There are more paintings to make. I am much better now but I will never be as strong as I was before this happened. The winter was cold but it was very beautiful. The drifts  were works of art. The cove froze over solid. Doug and Christina snowshoed on it and went all around the islands. What an experience. It will probably never happen again in my lifetime. 

Spring came, the usual, long and cool. The daffodils bloomed and the peepers sang in the evening.  I planted the garden the end of June. The fireflies were spectacular They danced over the fields in the dark. I like to walk the dog in the early evening so I can watch them. It was a dry summer and not hot. I went in the water every day I could. I mostly float around and don’t go very far from shore. I used to swim up and down the cove. The water was warmer then usual compared to other years. The older I get the less time I can stay in the water. The fall was warm and here we are in December and it is still warm and I am still eating greens from the garden. I live a simple life, do the same things every day, walk the dog, garden, paint. I go to the jazz jams, a movie once in a while. My friend that I go to the jazz jams with takes me to dinner sometimes and I love that because Charlie and I couldn’t afford to. So it is a treat for me. I went to Newburyport this fall to a concert at the firehouse that was a review of the music in Newburyport from the days Charlie played in the Grog through the seventies, and beyond jazz to folk, very creative times. My neighbors came for Thanksgiving dinner, four of us. Chris had Diane’s family, at their house in Eugene, about twenty.

With my heart condition, my sons do not want me living here in Maine dealing with the snow and the long driveway mostly ice.The last week in August I visited Chris in Eugene. The reason for me going out there is that I have agreed to move to Eugene and I looked at places where I could live. I am eligible for section eight housing so now I have an application in an apartment house and when a studio apartment  becomes available I will move. I expect I will be in Maine all winter. I would like to spend summers here but that is unknown. The big problem is where am I going to store my paintings, hundreds of them. Since I am not good at marketing my work I don’t sell a quarter of what I paint so they have accumulated. In the meantime I am sorting through stuff. It is a trip down memory lane. I am a collector and it is hard to let go of things I get attached to. Because of my circumstances I have not painted as many paintings this year as I usually do. I know it will all work out

Dec 15

Doug has been out in Eugene since September working with Chris. He  flies back the 15th. Christine has been up here helping clean up, moving stuff and making dump runs. She does’t have attachments to my things.  She is a good organizer. We have made a dent. When it comes down to the wire I will have to let go of what I am hanging onto now.

This probably will be my last Christmas here in Waldoboro.  I love Christmas and decorating the house. My neighbor cut down one of my thirty foot fir trees and cut the top off for this years Christmas tree. It is magnificent. The house is as beautiful as it has ever been. I am having three parties and two days of open house. I had a party on the 12th, the 14th and this Thursday the 17th and open house the 18th and 19th. I want all my friends to see my house.

Christmas has become commercialized, money oriented, and a lot of people like to shop and some do it out of obligation. We give in many ways. A present to a loved one gives pleasure to the giver and receiver. Christmas still celebrates Christ’s birthday  along with many other added  traditions and I love them all.  It is magical because it takes place when the days have the longest darkness and everyone puts up lights. Light overcomes darkness. It is such  beautiful symbol. Light is in everything. It is alive. It is action. One candle in  a dark room can dissipate darkness. Light is much stronger then darkness. For thousand of years humanity has lived through dark times, wars, starvation,  pestilence,and persecution. Humanity has experience it all, every kind of death.I do not understand human behavior. I do not understand the need for power, the need to control to be top dog, or why the need to have more and more. These traits or whatever you call them are not in my genes. If they are not in my genes then there are millions like me, so I believe because of the shift in consciousness the children being born will not become greedy  or power hungry.The gamut has been run. The pendulum has reached the end of it’s swing and now we go into a new cycle. Peace will come. There is a groundswell. The momentum is growing. People are standing up, taking action. You can’t stop a snowball from gathering more snow as it rolls down the hill. Everything in the cosmos is working for us. The change will come as one by one each human wakes up to their potential as co creators.   As Christ said you will do greater things then I. The individual realizes he is part of the whole. We are connected to everyone so just by being a loving  caring individual, you influence those around you and it spreads like ripples in a pond. Love is what makes the world ring, like sounds of Christmas music in the air. All it takes is love. 

I do not remember where I found the quote below

 “Christ said I am the way, the truth, and the life. You will do greater things then I do. He was the for-runner, the example of what we are now becoming as we evolve into being HUMAN.
It is no longer "I AM." It is "WE ARE." This is not a singular path anymore. It is a collective one. We are the way, the truth, the life. We are the love, the wisdom, the power. Jeshua says that what is being transmitted to us now is an egoless power, one that is not used with force but with love. This new power is the way of the future: the power of love, unity, and respect for all life. wisdom, and power. We are our ancestor's children, 

This part of our evolution isn't something we accomplish on our own anymore. It is something we do as a "We" and "Us," from the "One." This is not a sojourn, like it was in days past, where we would go into a cave by ourselves. This is something we do together now as a group, as a "We," as "Us," as "The One." 

The blocks that we have in our memory/programing that hamper accepting who we are, are being removed as we move into higher vibrations.We are afraid if we accept this part of ourselves it might be perceived as ego or arrogance. That is tricky, because we are holding ourselves back - because we don't want to be perceived as arrogant, special, or better than others.Yet we each are of equal value to every other human being on this planet, and this includes all the people from those who carry out atrocities, on the Earth all the way up to the living saints. We are the new living Masters of Earth. We are the conscious family of Earth.”

•       One of my favorite poems

•   Please call me by my true names    Thich Nhat Hanh          
• Don't say that I will depart tomorrow—
• even today I am still arriving.
• Look deeply: every second I am arriving
• to be a bud on a Spring branch,
• to be a tiny bird, with still-fragile wings,
• learning to sing in my new nest,
• to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
• to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.
• I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
• to fear and to hope.
• The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death
• of all that is alive
• I am a mayfly metamorphosing
• on the surface of the river.
• And I am the bird
• that swoops down to swallow the mayfly.
• I am a frog swimming happily
• in the clear water of a pond.
• And I am the grass-snake
• that silently feeds itself on the frog.
• I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
• my legs as thin a bamboo sticks.
• And I am the arms merchant,
• selling deadly weapons to Uganda.
• I am the twelve-year-old girl,
• refugee on a small boat,
• who throws herself into the ocean
• after being raped by a sea pirate.
• And I am the pirate,
• my heart not yet capable
• of seeing and loving.
• I am a member of the politburo,
• with plenty of power in my hands.
• And I am the man who has to pay
• his "debt of blood" to, my people,
• dying slowly in a forced labor camp.
• My joy is like Spring, so warm
• it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.
• My pain is like a river of tears,
• so vast it fills the four oceans.
• Please call me by my true names,
• so I can hear all my cries and laughter at once,
• so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
• Please call me by my true names,
• so I can wake up
• and the door of my heart
• could be left open,
• the door of compassion.

Boo last Christmas

this years tree

•